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Do you ever wonder why people treat you like crap? I have a friend who often tells me stories of how people take advantage of her. She is very giving and doesn’t know how to say NO. It irritates me to see her feel disrespected and walked all over. It hurts me to see her that way because she deserves so much better.
But she also doesn’t know how to set boundaries, or respect herself. Just about every time we talk she throws a few degrading comments about herself. When those comments fly out of her mouth, I tell her, “Hey, that’s my friend you are talking about. I am going to need you to be kinder to her.” But she wouldn’t stop. So I had a conversation with her about how she is telling people that it’s ok to treat her badly because she is openly doing it to herself. And that my friends, is not ok.
Teach people how to treat you
The best way to teach people how to treat you is by treating yourself with respect. When you respect yourself you will start expecting that same level of respect from everyone else around you.
Let me tell you this right now. I don’t know you personally, but I know for a fact that you deserve every bit of respect as the next woman. Not more, not less. Did you know that?
When it comes to other people, don’t be afraid to communicate when they fail to respect you. If your friend keeps showing up late to your lunch dates, tell her that you value your time with her but would prefer to reschedule if she is going to be more than 15 minutes late. Or something along those lines, you get the point.
Just let her know that wasting your time is not going to fly anymore. Your time is just as important as hers. Find your voice and use it often. The more you use it, the less shy you will feel.
Don’t be afraid to create boundaries.
Creating boundaries tells people how much they can get away with. The closer you are with someone the wider the boundaries become. But that doesn't mean the boundaries disappear and they can get away with anything.
My friend has a hard time saying no to family, friends, work, etc. She is often spread thin and constantly feels like a failure. When you set up boundaries, you are also setting them for yourself. If someone asks you do help or take on extra work, look at your boundaries. If you can’t help, or just don’t want to, it’s ok to say No.
Give yourself some time for yourself. Instead of taking on extra tasks, use that time to regroup and re-energize for the things you truly need to do.
Learning to teach people how to treat us takes practice.
If you’ve been letting family or friends walk all over you for a long time, teaching them your boundaries will take a while to happen. Every time someone tries to take advantage of you is just another opportunity to practice teaching them to respect you. It takes a while for a bad habit to break. This is fine, just remember not to cave in and let them keep disrespecting you. Be strong.
Communicate with your family and friends that their behavior affects you. Tell them how it affects you. Tell them how you would want your relationship to work going forward.
Get ready to say goodbye
Not everyone will like the confident, stronger you. Some people want to manipulate and use others. Even if they are disguised as ‘friends’. Be prepared to say goodbye to the people who don’t have your best interests at heart.
It might hurt but if you prepare yourself now, you’ll be able to handle the situation better if it comes to that.
Holding these boundaries also requires attention on your part. But the first most important step is to respect yourself and work from there.
Take action and start right now
Here are a few free printable worksheets you can use to start the process.
I know you are fed up with people treating you like you're not worthy of respect. But you ARE. You can transform yourself and you will do great!
I believe in you.
PS: Grab yourself a notebook and start a journal. Use these worksheets to get you started. Subscribe to my blog to get more worksheets and journal prompts so you can transform your life starting now.
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