I used to think I was fat. I used to think I was too fat to enjoy my life. My mantra was “as soon as I lose weight I will…” insert life here.
I wish I could go back in time and tell myself, “First of all, you are not fat, you have fat. Second of all, enjoy your life now.”
Ever since I can remember, I’ve been battling with image and weight issues.
I wanted to be an actress. I was an actress. In Austin. For a while, I was practically living in my car going from audition to audition and from gig to gig.
Then I got chubby and everything stopped. I stopped living my dream because of something so silly.
I decided to put acting aside for after I get older so I can get more challenging roles. After getting married and having my baby, it was hard to lose the added weight.
After my divorce I lost a few pounds, I call it the heartbreak diet but that didn’t stick.
I’ve been getting bigger and bigger and I’ve been withdrawing from living the life I want. But that had to stop. So I hired a trainer and learned everything I could from him. At the same time, I decided I had enough of my negative self-talk so I started a self-love journey.
After all, I needed to become healthy and as fit as I possibly could because I loved myself and i deserve to be healthy. Not for acting or cute clothes or some cute guy.
My trainer really helped me change bad habits. He taught me great workouts and gave me lots of homework. I did everything he told me to do. I ate everything he suggested I eat.
It worked! I finally lost fat and gained muscle! My pants became big and baggy and were even falling off my hip! This guy was a miracle worker! Out of all the trainers I had hired in the past, he was the only one to show me results.
Then I couldn’t afford him so I had to stop training with him. I was afraid, knowing I would go back to square one. But, since I had already invested so much money in training, I decided I would continue his workout and meal plan on my own.
Only, it was lonely without support and accountability. So I ate. And I relaxed on my workouts. Suddenly I had no time to work out and exercise wasn’t my priority anymore. So I gained weight.
A few months later I fell and broke my foot. I was already upset at myself for allowing the weight gain but now, I knew I was really in trouble.
I was unable to exercise or even walk for months. I gained another 15 pounds. I was crushed. Anger and disappointment were my daily emotions.
Even though I had taken nutrition classes and courses on personal health and knew better, I still ate crap. Knowing that at rest my body needed quality foods and at smaller quantities didn’t stop me from pigging out.
Comfort foods became my best friends and my enemy. My relationship with myself was extremely fragile. The only person I could blame was myself.
After my foot healed enough for me to start walking and exercising I enrolled in personal training certification courses. I am studying to become a certified personal trainer. Don’t get me wrong, my personal trainer was amazing and kicked butt, but what if I learned from the ground up what it takes to transform a human body. What if I transform my own body? And if I can do that for myself, couldn’t I help other women who have struggled their entire lives with weight loss?
But beyond that, I want to help women realize they are amazing period even without the transformation. We need to learn to love ourselves first before working on our bodies. Motivation won’t push us off the couch and into the gym, but self-love will.
If you knew that the only way to save your child’s life was by working out and eating well, wouldn’t you do it? Well, think of it this way, the only way to save YOUR life is by working out and eating well, will you still do it?
I am rewiring my brain into loving and accepting myself so that I can transform my body, swap out my bad habits for good ones and help others do the same.
This journey is on-going and I will post weekly updates. Wish me luck because weight loss is hard. And it’s supposed to be hard.
What do you want to see? What do you want to know? What videos should I post? Let me know in the comments below. Also, let me know what are your goals. How do you show yourself that love you feel? Are you struggling with self-love?
If you have transformed your body, please leave a note of encouragement or tips to myself and others! Share YOUR story!
Love you all & and don’t forget to say today “Gotta Love Myself”.