“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn't try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn't need others' approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.”
― Lao Tzu
My dear friend (lets call her Linda) is constantly apologizing for the ‘mess’ in her house. She apologizes if we hang out and she isn’t wearing makeup and starts most stories with, “don’t judge me.” My response to her is, “You don’t have to worry! If I ever judge you, that means I’m no longer your friend. I don’t judge you at all. I don’t even see the mess or the missing makeup and your stories crack me up!”
When you have a real friendship with another person, you accept that friend for who they are flaws and all, otherwise you would not choose to spend time with them. There is a reason why I only have 3 true friendships at the age of 35.
I remember when I was about 18 I used to tell my friends in a “joking’ way, that if I could run away from myself I would. Being stuck with myself was the worst punishment for me. I used to sit and wonder why these kids wanted to hang out with me. Was I funny? Kind? Smart? What did they see in me? I really needed to know because all I saw was a failure, a loser, ugly girl, stupid and moody. Back then I remember thinking, if only these kids took a peek into my thoughts, they would see my true ugly and abandon me.
It was time to make a change.
Fast forward 12 years later, the way I started feeling about my flaws started changing. Maybe it was a combination of going through life-changing events like 2 failed marriages and having a child that helped me start seeing myself as a strong woman. Respect for myself started sprouting once I saw myself as a strong woman. Eventually when I started practicing self-love, I had to look at myself in the mirror daily to look into my soul and also take notice of the exterior. It is my personal belief that I am the most flawed person in the universe. Obviously that isn’t true, but don’t we all (or most of us) feel that way?
Just because I’m flawed it doesn’t make me trash or any less human. Actually, my flaws make me a human. My friends are human. My daughter is human. I don’t judge my friends and I don’t judge my daughter, then why should I judge myself?
After taking notice of my flaws, I started working on accepting the flaws I couldn’t change. I made a list of things I could change. For example eating processed foods. Once I started eating less processed foods I saw amazing side effects. My skin started glowing and looking better, not to mention I started going number 2 on a more regular basis which was awesome! I started drinking more water and moving more, which as a result my overall health started improving.
The flaws I couldn’t change such as my nose (I guess I could change that but I don’t want surgery just yet, I am saving that for a face lift later 😉 were flaws I had to learn to accept. I’m still working on accepting the other flaws that are harder to accept but for the most part I would say I accept myself just as I am.
Once I started accepting myself it became easier to walk into the world with my head held high. I no longer feel the need to apologize for being me. In a way I gave myself an amazing gift. Don’t take me wrong, just because I accepted myself doesn’t mean I don’t have to continue working at mindfully loving and accepting myself. I have to practice patience with myself on a daily basis since I make mistakes on a daily basis just like anyone else.
Once you realize you are human and perfection will never be attainable, you’ll go easier on yourself.
How will you start accepting yourself? What flaws are hard for you to accept? Which flaws can you change right now? Which flaws will you have to live with? Can you turn any of those flaws into a strength?
Leave your answers in the comments. Sometimes sharing helps not only yourself but others in the same boat. You will see just how not alone you are.
Thank you for reading!
Here are some articles & blogs I found while doing some research. (*I am not an affiliate and I am not working with any of the websites in my Reading List.)
The Path to Unconditional Self-Acceptance
How Self Acceptance Can Crack Open Your Life